Choose Your Poison
by Wildly Obsessed
Summary: What would you do if you could change the past, choose your own future, fix mistakes? What would you do if you could save the one you love? Peyton is given the ability to do so but it isn’t the Godsend she thought it would be.[AU after Some You Give Away]
1. Prologue

AN: I have an idea but it'll take a while but it's for the aftermath of the championship accident and I seriously do not want it to be ruined by watching the -actual- aftermath. This was originally chapter 12 in my oneshots of Leyton "Together" but I realized the enormity of the possibilities with this plot so I've evolved it to a whole new story. I am totally in love with this story idea so I will promise that this isn't a dead end story, started but never finished- however, it's December which means deadlines are popping up so I'll update around the ever lingering suck factor of school.

**Choose Your Poison**

It was unreal. Peyton stood at Lucas's grave and she couldn't move. She wasn't crying; her eyes weren't even watering. There the grave stood, the letters etched into stone, meant to last forever. He was gone. But she couldn't cry. She cried the day she found out he was in the hospital, and she cried when she found out how serious it was, and she still cried yet again when she found out he died later that very same night. The funeral was last week and she had ended up at the same spot for every day since they erected the tombstone. She hadn't cried last week and she hadn't cried any other moment since.

It couldn't be real. Her hand hovered over the edge of the stone for what felt like an age before she gave in to her hesitation and dropped her hand. She couldn't even bring herself to touch it…lest the cold reality of the grave confirm that no, this wasn't a horrible fabrication of her imagination. She told herself to get a grip and tried again. Peyton hadn't even been able to gather the courage to say her last goodbyes to the open coffin at the funeral. It had scared her and she hadn't been given that one last chance to see his face in 3-D.

Exhaling in frustration, she finally just slammed her palm down on the tablet. Pain.

"How incredibly pathetic is it that it took you a week to touch a piece of stone?"

Peyton jerked in shock and her elbow connected with the tombstone, which was painful enough to make her stumble back, stubbing her toe in the process. Ordinarily, that would have been enough for her to snap at whoever had surprised her but she didn't this time because even though the voice had come from behind her, she knew it far too well to mistake it.

She turned around and the body matched the voice. It was Lucas. But what the hell was he wearing?

"Mother of God, Tommy Lee?" The rational reaction would have been a shriek or a hug or something more appropriate to the occasion of seeing the dead love of her life in front of her but all Peyton could think about was how ridiculous Lucas looked in that idiotic Halloween costume. "You look so stupid!"

"You do realize I shouldn't be looking like anything, right? That I should be down there in that nice little hole you're standing over and that it should be of greater concern to you that I'm walking and talking at all than that I happen to be sporting a few fake tats." He lazily leaned against his own grave and cocked his head mockingly. "Of course, you plainly think you're imagining things or dreaming. Otherwise, your trademark tears and mouth all agape would spring to life and you'd be sobbing all over me."

"You are such a dick in my imagination."

"What, I'm not allowed to be a bit of a jerk after my heart stopped at eighteen? But God, Peyton, you really are a bit loony. First you talk to yourself in the form of a bitchy angel of death and now you're speaking to your deceased boyfriend. I'd get some help for that." He smiled.

"You can't call her a bitch, even if she was one, since she was technically me and I take offence-" Her response was clearly dazed but he only laughed at her further.

"Don't worry. I liked you when you were all bitchy back in the days when I was still river court rat and you were still screwing my brother, so I kind of think your Angel of Death thing is hot. Maybe I have a thing for bitches?"

"You rise from the dead just to taunt me in a really bad Halloween costume? Is the afterlife that horrible? What is this? I mean, you're not him."

"Oh, just like creepy Peyton #2 wasn't really you?"

"I'm not going to believe that Lucas had any part of him inside that resembled you. And how do you even know about my Angel of Death? I'm pretty sure I didn't tell Luke-"

"Surprise!"

Peyton jerked in surprise again. A paler skinned, darker haired, edgier version of herself stared back at her. "You thought you were done with me, didn't you?" Death Peyton grinned.

"What the hell was in my coffee this morning?" Peyton frowned.

"Deb spit in it. I really wish mom hadn't let her crawl back." Lucas rolled his eyes. He put his arm around Death Peyton and the two looked absolutely freaky together.

"Okay, what are you doing here? Why are you here?"

"Well." Lucas went all sombre and whispered importantly, "We came from Christmas past and future in the hopes of changing your destiny."

Death Peyton shrugged carelessly. "The afterlife really is kind of boring. What can I say."

"You're not dead." Peyton stated flatly.

"Sure I am. You and me kind of branched into two different people after you started getting warm fuzzies for poetry reading Luke. You were all whiney and self absorbed and the whole dark angst that cloaked you faded away. So I was just like screw this and left since you were suppressing me anyways. It's funny, isn't it? You keep thinking that a part of you died when Lucas died but really a part of you literally died when you met Luke to begin with."

"I must say, I love this version of you. She's got a backbone. Rawr." Luke said and kissed Death Peyton on the side of her mouth.

"Love you too, honey." Death Peyton smiled and kissed him back.

Peyton stared at the display between the two in disbelief. "Hello? Since I'm the only one living at the moment, shouldn't you be paying more attention to me and maybe telling me what the hell is going on?"

"You didn't get to say goodbye. And Lucas wanted to see you." A new voice spoke up. Keith. Normal Keith.

"Why couldn't you look normal? Keith looks normal!" Peyton gestured, not even registering shock this time around at seeing another walking dead person.

"Normal for you maybe. Normal for this reality." Tommy Lee Lucas said, raising his eyebrows.

"Listen. I wasn't talking about that Lucas."

"Hey, Peyt." The fourth spectre showed up beside Peyton and this time the hazy bleary acceptance she was regarding the whole situation with fell away. She had assumed this was all some delusion playing out in her unconscious mind somewhere in reality but this Lucas snapped her out of her dream state. He was her Lucas. Wearing his crooked smile and those comfortably crinkled eyes.

"Lucas." It came out as a gasp and she fell into his arms.

Tommy Lee Lucas snorted. "Wow. I didn't get that reception. You really are vain, aren't you? A wig and some fake tattoos and suddenly I'm dead to you? Oh wait. I am dead."

"You're not as funny as you'd like to think." Death Peyton told him.

"Sorry. It was a condition. If I was able to see you, our doppelgangers had to come along. And I just figured you'd like to see Keith." Normal Lucas said.

"Am I insane?"

"You weren't all there even before people started dropping like flies in your life." Death Peyton cheerfully answered.

"Could you shut up?" Peyton glared at her counterpart and shut her eyes in frustration.

"Fine. Be that way." Death Peyton gave Normal Peyton the finger and walked away.

"Wait. Can she do that?" Peyton asked.

"There is no God we're pissing off, in case you're wondering. We weren't sent back by some divine entity. There aren't any 'rules'." Tommy Lee Lucas rolled his eyes.

"Actually, there are. Psycho bizarro world Lucas just doesn't do anything by the book." Luke said, exasperation coating his voice.

"Excuse me for not living among the harps and halos."

"You're in heaven?" Peyton said incredulously.

"It's a figure of speech." TLL answered, looking at her as if she was completely moronic.

"We can't tell you, actually." Keith said, rubbing his temple.

"I do get to converse regularly with myself though." TLL grinned. "You wouldn't believe how crazy you feel when you can have a six person argument with yourself. There's that Lucas, there's me, there's river rat Lucas, there's Brooke's boy toy Lucas…"

"Stop listing. Seriously." Luke held up his hand.

"The list stretches on. There's a crazy number of alternate realities and, joy oh joys, we get to talk with them and bitch about the different paths that could have and actually did happen." TLL ignored Luke and continued on. "So you see, it's wrong to call me Bizarro world Lucas when the actual Bizarro world Lucas to you would be the one where Dan had stayed with mom. Surprisingly, or maybe not, our lives are _slightly_ more complicated than some would think and in such a world, Lucas and Nathan would not have switched places neatly. Mom wouldn't be Deb, I, or we, wouldn't be like Nathan. Well, clearly, Nathan wouldn't have existed. Hmmm. It does make you wonder, though. Haley would probably have turned out completely different."

Keith interjected reprovingly, "Anyways. How are you, Peyton? It's been awhile."

She smiled weakly. "Fine. And you?"

"He's dead. Stop being so damn polite! And you're not fine. You've been standing at this spot for a week, bemoaning how much life sucks and how you're destined to die alone. People always leave, whine, bitch, rant, cry. Lord. In my universe, I never harboured secret feelings for you. I wore this costume for an entirely different reason than the one you remember, and I was a total bad ass. All the other Lucas's suck. Although, I did have a foursome with you, Brooke, and Haley."

"You're freakishly talkative. Shut up." Peyton said again, rolling her eyes. "Is he always like this?"

"Personality wise, yes. But he doesn't usually wear that stupid outfit. You made him look that way, actually. Since you already had the whole Angel of Death visit a while back, your subconscious arranged him to look like the correspondent to your Angel of Death and this was the best image you could think of." Keith said.

"So I am imagining things?"

"Okay. So I was being sarcastic earlier, but we are here to warn you of stuff. And to offer you something. You can totally go back in time and save the pansy." TLL said.

"Jesus, you can't just be quiet and let me tell her in my way, can you?" Luke hissed, looking ready to punch TLL.

"What our favourite knight in shining armour is trying to say is, we can tell you of the different realities and you get to pick the one you like best and poof, everything is the way you want it to be."

"It's not that simple." Luke socked his double in the arm and tried to clarify. "Peyton, we are going to tell you the different ways the championship night could have happened and you do get the chance to pick one, but you don't have to and if you do, you risk messing up everything. It can be a really selfish decision."

"Can I make you live again?"

"Well, yeah-"

"Then tell me my options."

x X x

AN: Oh yes. Dun dun dun. I'm destined to fail at life if I don't work more on homework but this idea attacked me and like I said earlier, it just wouldn't make me feel as tingly if I left it until after the real aftermath. I really couldn't just let it wilt in microsoft hell so here's the beginning.


	2. Door 1

**Door #1**

"What do I do, Luke?" Peyton weakly asked her boyfriend.

"I can't answer that for you…" He looked at her sympathetically and wished once more that he didn't do this, that he hadn't come, that he didn't make that stupid offer.

"I don't know what to do. How do I… How can this be real? Why is it like this? I can't choose. I can't."

"'Choosing not to make a decision is still a choice'." Tommy Lee Lucas helpfully pointed out.

Lucas and Peyton both glared.

"You are so pathetically weak. I wanted to go to Haley, but no. Wait. I'm sure there's a reality where we weren't platonic with Tutor girl and possibly we did go to her somehow. I need to catch up on our history. What are there, infinite numbers of us?"

"Lucas, shut up." Lucas tersely said.

"I can't do this." Peyton repeated forlornly.

**Much, much earlier…**

"Door number one. Let's start with an easy one. What is the first decision you wished you had done differently that night?"

"I wish Dan had just given Nathan the stupid money to begin-"

"Are you deaf or just dumber than even I give you credit for? I said what decision would _you_ have done differently. You can't reach in your invisible hand and be puppetmaster to someone else."

Lucas sighed. "Really, don't take offence. He's an ass to everyone."

"What happened to you to make you this way?" Peyton frowned.

"Oh, I'm sure the story will come up soon enough. I'll be in one of the doors. I'm sure you'll find it quite unsatisfactory. Back to the task at hand."

Peyton paused to think but Tommy Lee Lucas really couldn't keep his mouth shut for very long periods of time. "I can see how this would be hard for you, seeing as though the world doesn't really revolve around you and that night had very little to do with you."

"You still affected things. For the better, I mean. That was the best night of my life until Dante brought down the house." Lucas said encouragingly. He took Peyton's hand and she was belatedly surprised at the warmth she felt. He noticed her surprise and told her, "I am as you perceive me. You expect me to be warm, I'm warm."

"So you're not you? Are you just some version I thought you were?"

"I'm still me, it's just physically speaking you subconsciously make the rules."

"The choice?" Tommy Lee Lucas rolled his eyes.

"I wish I hadn't been scared of the 'oh'; I wish I had gone to talk to you before the game and spoken to you and somehow convinced you to take your pills."

"That's really big picture, smart one." Tommy Lee Lucas chortled. He looked at Lucas and shook his head. "How can you see anything in her?"

"You did too at one point-" Lucas pointed out.

"No I didn't."

"We could be childish and go through a round of 'yeah you did, no I didn't's' but I'm just going to tell you you're an ass and move on, okay?"

"Anyways, here's door number one." Keith again interrupted the bickering Lucas's.

xXx

"What the hell?" Peyton exclaimed, finding herself alone outside the school.

"You coming in?" Nathan popped up beside her. "Come on, the game will be starting soon. Have you seen Haley?"

"Nathan." Peyton frowned in confusion. She glanced around in the hopes of finding the two Lucas's and Keith, but they were not around. A few students she vaguely recognized were walking towards the school entrance, but that was it.

"…Yeah. Earth to Peyton. Have you seen Haley?"

"What day is it?"

"It's the day of the championship." He told her, exasperation and annoyance visible on his features. "You rode up with the other cheerleaders but you're the only one who's here. Where's my wife?"

"She'll be fine." Peyton answered distractedly. Fuck. She hadn't realized that she had to re-do this night herself. Somehow, she thought she'd be watching from afar as her double did the different choice. She didn't know she herself had to re-enact this… how could she do this when she knew what could happen in mere hours?

Nathan had sighed and was starting to walk away, when Peyton snapped out of it, realizing just how crucial her actions right now would be to the scheme of things. "Nathan, wait." She took a deep breath and hoped to God he was in a good mood. "I know that you're unsure about the game." She couldn't very well just say that she knew about Daunte and all that crap. "I also know that Luke knows about your uncertainty. You know how much this game means to him… I'm afraid he'll do something stupid and rash in order to make sure the Ravens win. So if you care about him like I know you do, please just make sure Luke knows you'll be playing your best tonight. I know you will be, despite anything that's plaguing your mind. You're a good person- make sure Luke knows that or everything will be shot to hell."

"Did Lucas tell you everything?" Nathan angrily exclaimed.

"No! I-"

"No one else has any idea, where did you find out, then?"

She couldn't come up with a plausible answer and he muttered a curse before stomping off.

Rolling her eyes, Peyton disregarded Nathan and made a beeline for the locker room. She had to find Luke.

Hoping the room was mostly empty, Peyton shoved open the doors and accidentally interrupted Skillz. He had his mouth half open but quickly shut it when Peyton entered.

"I have to talk to you."

"See you later, man." Skillz told Luke and nodded towards the girl as he left.

"Skillz, wait, I had to-" Luke called.

"It can wait."

Lucas ran a nervous hand through his hair and leaned back on the bench. His body language was clearly saying he wasn't in the mood to talk to her, but she had to do this.

"Lucas. I talked to Nathan. I know you think he's jittery about the game, but I know he will do his best. So don't be stupid out there."

"What do you mean?"

"Take your pills."

"I'm not an idiot."

"Please, promise me?"

"I'll do what I want, Peyton. You don't know anything about what's going on, so don't be giving out advice." Peyton shut her eyes in frustration but knew she couldn't correct him.

"Take them right after the game if you don't take them before."

"And the point of that would be…?"

"Just trust me, please?"

"Whatever." He stood up to leave but Peyton hated to leave him on these terms.

"About earlier…"

"I can't think about that right now. I'm sorry." He told her, touching her shoulder briefly.

"Luke, I-"

"I really have to get out there."

"Good luck."

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Please… your pills…"

"Don't worry." He smiled at her and disappeared through the doors.

xXx

The game rolled to a close. Confetti all around. Except all the cheerleaders were shooting death glares at Peyton. She had disappeared when Haley had to go to the hospital. She was the sole girl who hadn't been there for Haley.

To sum up, Brooke put it most eloquently: "You cared more about getting in Lucas's pants than you did about the life of a close friend."

"I knew she would be okay-"

"How could you know that? She could have lost her baby!" Brooke snapped.

Nathan wasn't exactly thrilled at the blonde either. "You came down here to warn me about my brother, who I'm going to point out is perfectly fine, instead of making sure my wife and child were okay? How selfish are you? You care more about how Lucas sees you than you do about lives."

"I thought Lucas's life was in danger-"

"He's never played better. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Peyton turned away from the scorn as the cheering of the victory up roared and she watched Lucas, waiting for him to catch her eye and to envelop her in the kiss she savoured in her memory.

It didn't come.

Lucas hugged Brooke and slapped Skillz on the back, but he didn't glance over at her. Remembering the pills, Peyton made her way through the crowd and reminded him.

"Thanks for poking a hole through one of the best moments I'll ever have." He arched his eyebrow, irritation coating his voice.

"I just want to make sure you're okay." She was confused. Why wasn't he having his epiphany about his feelings about her? "Luke, I lo-"

"I should go take those pills." He interrupted her and walked away.

She was left standing alone. It was worth it, if he lived.

xXx

That night after the celebration, Peyton watched Nathan and Haley carefully to gauge when they would be leaving. When it was almost time for the break up of the after party, she made her way to the window and sure enough, she spotted Daunte in his shady car.

Peyton knew that she was only supposed to change one decision, but she didn't care about the rules. Dialling discreetly, she warned the cops about a suspicious vehicle and told them to hurry.

With satisfaction, Peyton heard the sirens wail just as Nathan was helping Haley with her coat. She followed a few steps behind just to make sure.

They were the picture of the perfectly happy couple. Peyton saw Daunte's car start up and felt a twinge of fear. The police were here, though, and Daunte noticed. There was no way he'd have time to run them down and make it look like an accident. But this would be his only chance. They would be okay.

Daunte was more resilent and way more bitter than Peyton counted on. With a snarl, he pulled out a pistol. And in a terrifying moment, Peyton had to watch her two close friends under crisis again. It was aimed for Nathan and yet again Haley dove to protect her husband. Two bullets were fired and both hit Haley. One imbedded in her, saving Nathan, but the other sped through her and into her husband, making them both collapse against the road.

No…

Lucas ran out in a panic, followed by half the café. The ambulance was called. Luke had gone through with his promise, so he didn't go into cardiac arrest. Trying to breathe, Peyton told herself it would turn out. In her world, Luke was the only one who had severe repercussions from the injuries. In this world, she had saved him… therefore, should she not have saved them all?

Later at the hospital, Peyton was horrifed to find out how wrong she was. Haley's lung had been hit. She died later that night… but not before being told that Nathan's injury would render him a cripple for the rest of his life. She died knowing that it was in vain. His dream was gone. She had failed.

Nathan lost it all that night, his wife, his unborn child, and his dream. Everything about him showed his absolute despair. He wished he hadn't won the game. If there was self loathing in Peyton's real world, it was magnified two hundred fold now. Though Nathan would live for many years after, he would remain a mere shadow of the man he could have been. He no longer cared about life- all that he had to live for had been torn from him. Before long, he would follow in the footsteps of his mother and become an addict. Anything to make him forget about Haley would be consumed. He would spend all his money on drugs and even his father's wealth and respect would fail to save him. Nathan would be a washed out junkie living on the streets before he hit twenty one.

Lucas would fall into darkness just as his brother did. After losing Haley in the literal sense and watching as his brother self destructed, Luke withdrew into himself and the tragedy overwhelmed him. Instead of drugs, Luke would turn to alcohol. Peyton stood by and watched as he fell into a pit of sadness.

She still saved him, she told herself. Touching Haley's tombstone, that was the only thing that could comfort her. No matter how broken he was, he was still alive… that had to be worth it. It had to be.

Lucas appeared beside her. He was the same Lucas she had always known, he wasn't wearing any weird outfit, but his eyes were cold and his features sharp. He was this reality's Lucas.

"Are you a ghost, too?"

"Of course."

"But you're alive. I saved you."

"No you didn't." He laughed harshly. "You wanna know what happened to me? At the age of twenty two, I drank myself into a stupor one night and decided to drive."

"You died in a car accident?" Peyton said in horrified surprise.

"No, no… I hit another car. It was my mom. She had gone out to make sure I didn't drive. She died instantly. I killed her."

"Oh God, Luke-"

"The next day, I overdosed on alcohol and slit my wrists. And here I am."

The blow of his words made the girl fall to her knees in hopelessness. Through her tears, she tried to tell him that she meant for the best. "I saved you…"

"Because of you, Haley died. Because of you, Nathan might as well have died. You killed those two people, you sacrificed them to 'save' me. But guess what? I didn't want to be saved if it meant that was the life I had to live in. You gave me a few years where I hated my life, you gave me a few years where I writhed in agony and then I ended it all myself. You saved no one, you selfish bitch!"

"Lucas, Lucas…" She couldn't breathe through her sobs. "You had me… Even if you lost them all, you had me. Why didn't you come to me?

Tommy Lee Lucas popped up, a sadistic smile on his face. "You're wondering even now why he didn't tell you he love you, why he didn't decide that he wanted to be with you. And that is why you're so selfish. Guess what, Peyton? You did it yourself. You walked in on Skillz before he could tell Lucas how there was no way he only saw you as a friend."

Tommy Lee Lucas leaned against Haley's stone and held up his hand to count the many ways in which Peyton screwed it all up.

"You didn't go to the hospital, you didn't tell Brooke how much you wanted Lucas to tell you it was you he wanted next to him when all his dreams came true. You didn't bond with Brooke over Haley's possible miscarriage, and she never got over her image of you as a selfish bitch. Because of that, she had no reason to tell good old Lucas how he should be with you. Brooke never gave Lucas permission to be with you, never asked him the question that would make him realize how it was you he loved."

TLL finished his ramble with a relish, watching her forlorn expression as he cemented what a failure she had been.

"You killed the chain reaction that would have had him with you. Because you stopped his epiphany that night when there was still time for such trivial matters such as love, you killed any chance you had of a relationship with Lucas. Ever afterwards, he would be too haunted by tragedy to consider anything for himself. Ever afterwards, all trace of half uncovered feelings for you would be lost, faded, forgotten. You would be the girl who didn't go to the hospital when Haley needed you. You would be a footnote he skipped over when scanning over the wasteland of his life."

"No!" Peyton whimpered. "Go away. Leave me alone! No!"

In a flash, her Lucas was back to her, wrapping his strong arms around her frail frame and soothing her with his gentleness. "I'm so sorry, Peyt. I wish you didn't have to see this. But it's the only way to make you understand."

"I killed you. I killed them all." She cried into his chest.

"You were only trying to help. I don't blame you, okay? It wasn't your fault. The other Lucas's are dicks who were torn by circumstance, they aren't me. I don't think like they do and you didn't kill me. I'm not him. I'm the guy who loved you when you were still with Nathan, I'm the guy who kissed you when all my dreams came true. Please, don't cry Peyt."

"You're babying her." TLL pointed out.

"There is a better future, isn't there?"

"Do you still want to see?"

"Well I think it's safe to say she won't be choosing this option." TLL grinned. "Let the fun continue. What's next, oh ruiner of lives?"

"I really want to see what made you into this ball of sadism." Peyton hissed.

"That could be next…"

"Could I just watch this time? Please?"

Lucas exchanged looks with TLL. "Well, considering she doesn't know what choice made you this way, I guess that will have to happen."

"Only this time. You have to suffer for all the others." TLL said.

Peyton looked to Lucas to snap at TLL, but he only nodded. "You have to suffer to understand." He took her hand and squeezed it tightly, kissing her softly on the lips. "I'm always here for you, Peyt. It'll be okay. I love you, remember that."

She took a breath and nodded. "Bring on door number two."

"This will be entertaining." TLL smiled.

"Will you ever play nicely?"

"Nope. I'm dead inside." His smile turned into a grimace. Death Peyton appeared beside him and leaned against his shoulder. "Hey babe." He smiled at the girl.

"I'm back. I figured you'd need someone who's not dripping with sap to go through this one. They wouldn't understand."

"Why can't all Peyton's be like you?"

Normal Lucas sighed and turned away from the dysfunctional couple and met Peyton's eyes. "Door number two."

* * *

**AN: **So this is pretty depressing, but it was always meant to be a bit of angst/horror mixed in with entirely inappropriate flashes of humour. I'm glad you guys are intrigued with the idea. I know it's a bit confusing right now, but it'll clear up. Thanks for reading :) 


	3. Eleven

**Eleven**

"No one dies in this one." Tommy Lee Lucas stated casually. "The hero lives. The bad guy kicks it."

"The way you're saying it, I'm not exactly comforted. If it made you like this, I can't see that it'd be a very happy world."

"Maybe you'll finally realize some vital truth to living and stop being such a whiney bitch."

"I really don't like you." Peyton glared.

"I'm him." Tommy Lee Lucas gestured to Lucas. "He's me. You can't love him and hate me, honey. That's like saying you hate semen but love giving blow jobs."

"Christ! Trust you to come up with that kind of analogy." Luke's face wrinkled in disgust.

"You are not the same." Peyton stubbornly said.

"We were the same person and he would have been me had he made one choice differently. It's not a hard concept. We are one and the same. In a universe with infinite worlds and possibilities, we may all look different but that's just an empty lie meant to comfort us out of realizing that we are all the same. He's not perfect. You need to accept this someday. He's not some saint who does everything right; stalwart and noble at all times. He's just as flawed as I am. I'm just more upfront about it."

"You screwed up your life. He didn't. You can be bitter all you want but he is the better person."

"He IS me! You can't be better than yourself!"

"You're just pissed off that you missed out on a chance to be happy- you're just mad you chose wrong!"

"Peyton, do you wonder why we're here? It's because you're delusional and somehow think that you have the power to fix everything. It's not broken. You just can't grasp the concept. Some things are meant to happen. But no, you can't be told. You have to be shown. Let me ask you something. Do you really think you'd live happily ever after even if Luke did live that night, and he did love you? It's not that simple, my ignorant blonde idiot. Every fucking world is shit. There's no such thing as a perfect world- every place has tragedy, misery; things that went wrong along the way. There is no perfect world because such a thing doesn't exist- you don't even know what perfection is. And if you found it, and the circumstances didn't try to take it away from you, honey you would sabotage it yourself just because it's human nature."

"Happiness can exist."

"Not all the time. Not consistently. Not in the degree people search for. It's never enough. Nothing is ever enough. You always want more of it, for longer periods, in greater intensities. Maybe you'll realize eventually that what you're choosing now isn't the 'best' world. There is no 'best', since the term implies that it is a 'good' world. And there's no such thing."

"What am I doing, then?"

"You get to-"

"Shut up. Just, stop talking." Lucas rubbed his head as if a massive headache was attacking him. "We're not doing this."

"True. Wouldn't want to give her another reason to angst herself out. Drama Queen."

"I hope you were run over and then burned to death in your world." Peyton hissed.

Lucas looked perturbed at those words and Tommy Lee Lucas smiled darkly. "Like I said, I'm him and he's me. Wishing death on me is equal to wishing death on him. Without me, there could be no him. Without night there couldn't be day. Without Satan there couldn't be God." He turned to Lucas and whined, "Honestly, dude. Why did you have to pick the most stupid chick in Tree Hill as a girlfriend?"

"Fuck it- door number fucking two." Lucas had lost patience. Peyton opened her mouth to say something but she realized the crowd around her had vanished.

"They can't warn me, can they?" Peyton rolled her eyes and looked around in hopes of finding what it was she was supposed to be observing.

"Over here." Tommy Lee Lucas appeared again.

"Why are you here?"

"You're only watching. I figured with your brains you'd need a running commentary to keep up." He answered ever so helpfully.

"Are you making it your personal mission to keep me and Lucas apart as much as possible?"

"Actually, I am. It's not particularly healthy for you to have too much interaction with your dead boyfriend and him with his still living girl. At least if you talk with me, you won't get attached when I leave and nor will I. The mutual loathing will be a blessing, trust me."

"That's almost a considerate thing for you to do." Peyton said, surprised. Suspicion quickly took over. "Why exactly are you doing it? You're not considerate."

He sighed. "Fine. I like antagonising you and since keeping you from your lover seems to piss you off, I figure it'll give me some amusement."

"Why do you hate me so much?"

"I don't hate you, Peyton Sawyer. I hate the person you've become. Just as you don't hate Lucas Scott but the person I've become. You're a self-absorbed waste of space. I may be egotistical and selfish, but at least I have the character to admit it. All you do is whine, whine, whine. And then you do something incredibly selfish all the while being self righteous and blasting hypocrisies in the air. You think you're a good person. That's what pisses me off so much." Tommy Lee ranted.

"Go screw yourself."

"Do you want to see this world or not?"

Peyton crossed her arms and muttered, "Not with you." Under her breath.

"You're stuck with me. Why don't you draw up something sufficiently dark and sad, portraying your deep emotional turmoil to the world? 'Everyone hates me, and they just don't understand!'" He did an insulting imitation of Peyton's voice and continued on, "Honestly. You really do slather on the tortured artist thing a little too strongly, no?"

Peyton gritted her teeth, accepting that anything she said would be mocked.

"Oh, have I finally shut you up?" Tommy Lee Lucas was pleased.

"Just show me what's going on, will you?" She sighed.

"With pleasure."

xXx

Peyton was surprised to see a Tree Hill. Walking down the streets she knew so well, something about the atmosphere tugged at her sense of nostalgia. This wasn't present Tree Hill or even a few months back. She knew it was a while back in the past. Obviously, it had to be sometime in her lifetime but a few of the buildings she had grown accustomed to were not present or at least they weren't in the denomination she had been used to.

She couldn't place the time frame.

At least, she couldn't until a nearby bell trilled, shattering the small town quiet.

The school that had just let out wasn't her high school, but she knew it well.

Startlingly, Peyton soon found herself watching herself exit the school, Brooke beside her. And there, with a wide grin on his face, was Lucas Scott.

Tree Hill Elementary.

They were just kids.

"I was a cute kid, wasn't I?" Tommy Lee Lucas grinned wistfully.

"You messed up your life this early on?"

"Depends on your definition of messed up. Why must you constantly speak as though your world is the one true world and all others are wrong versions of your utopia?" Annoyance laced his voice.

"Maybe because it is."

"Such arrogance. You've seen one other world and you assume yours is best. Seriously. Hasn't it occurred to you that in another world, your mom left earlier to pick you up and hadn't felt it necessary to run that light? Or maybe she was still late but the other driver was quicker in their reflexes? Maybe in another place, Jimmy would have followed me and Mouth to popularity and didn't end up going psycho as he did in your world. He didn't in mine, in case you were wondering."

"Are you saying I could choose a world where my mom lives?" Peyton felt the hints of hope warm her.

"Do I have to remind you that you get to choose to make a different choice that's directly influential in the way the _Championship_ night turned out? Last I checked your mom died long before that night."

"She's okay, though? In some other time and place? We're still a family?"

"Optimistic, aren't we? She was alive all right, but your family wasn't. Or your friendship. Brooke and you didn't bond over parent issues and your friendship wasn't all that strong. In one world, your dad cheated on your mom- dissolving the marriage. In another, it was your dad who drove the car and it was he who died. Limitless possiblities."

"Then we must have had a happy ending in one of them!"

"Like I said, you have to readjust your definition of happy."

"We would've been okay!"

"You wouldn't have Lucas, likely. You wouldn't have brought Nathan and Haley together, probably. And Jake and Nicky? Who knows? One happy strand doesn't mean a euphoria free for all ensues. And this isn't even about that. So pay attention. We're going to have to tail mini-me."

"How old were you, any ways?"

"Old enough to know better, young enough not to care."

She stared at him.

He stared back. "Just because my personality isn't as polite as 'your' Lucas doesn't mean I don't share the same interests. I can quote, too."

The pair followed mini-Lucas as he walked away from the school grounds and met up with a mini-Haley. After a moment, Lucas turned to go back in the school. Tommy Lee Lucas followed, leaving Peyton with no choice but to trail after him.

"I was eleven."

xXx

Peyton hadn't walked inside the school since she stopped being a student there. It was eerie remembering how much of the town she simply cut out and forgot about, even places she had grown up in.

Mini-Lucas was wearing a Scott Auto t-shirt. Peyton grinned, remembering how his older self would become quite attached to a certain gray hoodie with the same emblem stitched on the fabric. He had his backpack slung over both shoulders and one could see his bright red jacket half-stuffed inside it. Peyton was quickly endeared by the boy.

"Can't go in there, my little pedophile." Tommy Lee Lucas interrupted Peyton's thoughts and snatched her arm. She frowned at the man and was about to protest when he gestured at the door she was about to absently push through.

**Boy's. **

Peyton shut her mouth and turned to lean against the wall in wait for mini-Lucas. "It was an honest mistake."

Mini-Lucas soon reappeared in the doorway, wearing shorts this time instead of jeans and he was without his backpack.

A slight smile of anticipation on his features, Mini-Luke strode on through the doors to the gym.

"There you can follow."

Peyton entered the gym and broke into a fresh smile. She spotted Nathan and Tim. Nathan still looked rather cocky, especially for an eleven year old. She remembered that Tim hadn't started trailing after Nathan until the beginning of junior high. Which would be soon, she realized.

They were all wearing shorts and t-shirts. Glancing around, Peyton recognized both Karen and Dan in the bleachers. Dan was watching Nathan, but from the far end of the bleachers Karen was subtly watching Dan.

The gym teacher walked to the centre of the gym. She used to hate that man. He never bought her excuses when she lied about forgetting her gym strip.

He was wheeling out a container of basketballs.

With another pleased jolt, Peyton understood that this was practice of some sort.

It turned out to be more than that.

"This isn't intra-murals anymore, boys. And because we're finally starting to get a bit more serious with the game, everyone can't make the team. Today, we find out who makes it."

The coach started calling out names.

The kids were all nervous about making the junior team- it was the first time there had been cuts from a team. And there would be many.

As each name was called, the coach pseudo-sternly asked the boy in question if they were sure of their commitment to the team since there were loads of other boys who would kill for a spot.

Nathan was called, naturally. He wasn't any more surprised than anyone else in the room- even as a child Nathan had been recognized as a more than decent player.

The list wasn't alphabetical but Peyton knew that the number of spots were running out. If Luke's name wasn't called soon, it wouldn't be called at all.

It was called.

Lucas hesitated, to Peyton's surprise. His initial reaction was a relieved smile, but then he glanced over at his mother. She was beaming for him, but it seemed forced even from here. He looked at Dan, who was rolling his eyes, and at Nathan, who was doing a magnificent job of looking like a mini-Dan.

For a moment, mini-Lucas's smile dimmed.

The moment ended. He approached the coach. "Thanks, coach. I'll accept."

xXx

Peyton was confused. The scene faded away and she turned to Tommy Lee Lucas. "Why was that such a pivotal event? What decision did you make there that changed everything?"

"Well, I guess this is a good thing. You're not that obsessed with Lucas as to remember every tidbit he ever told you. Although, this was a rather influential one to forget. Not that you liked him much when he told you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Luke told you about this day. He made a different choice. You were still with Nathan and being very vigilant in your bitch act, so it doesn't surprise me that you don't have the faintest idea of what happened."

"Why was that so important? You made the team. That's good."

"I made the team. That's good."

"Yes. And the making of the team wasn't your decision to make-"

"No. I made the team in both worlds."

"Then what-?"

"Peyton. I said yes."

"What difference does that make?"

"All the difference in the world. Every choice influences your life. This one didn't just influence my life; it changed the person I would be who lived that life."

"How so?"

He was getting exasperated. "You need to pay more attention to Lucas. Honestly."

xXx

Tommy Lee Lucas hopped onto the hood of a familiar car and glanced at his nails in boredom. Peyton jumped at the sudden scenery change. She was about to ask him what was happening but soon saw what she had been dragged here to see.

The Peyton from last year and the Lucas from last year stood close to her.

"…I quit. I didn't want my mom to have to see Dan every day."

xXx

"Jog any memories?" Tommy Lee Lucas asked as they found themselves following Mini-Lucas once more.

"Not really."

Tommy Lee Lucas sighed. "I really thought that in your bubble of self-pity you still paid attention to your boyfriend. I must stop overestimating you."

"Hey, he wasn't my boyfriend at the time-"

"Stop trying to justify yourself; you were and are a bitch."

"You're not just being yourself anymore." Peyton pointed out, looking at him oddly. "You're actually pissed at me for not remembering."

"This was a highly significant moment. Excuse me for being annoyed."

"No. For you to be pissed at this means you must want me to remember, which must mean you don't have only apathy towards me." She was grinning now, triumphantly so.

"What it means is I'm impatient and starting to wish Keith was playing the role of Spirit Angel." He rolled his eyes. "Now, I know how hard it is for you to concentrate when there's anything with a penis nearby but you might want to listen in on what's going on."

"Did you just call me a whore?"

"Honey. You fell for Lucas while sleeping with his brother. You nearly slept with Lucas while he was sleeping with your best friend. You slept with Jake, almost married him, then decided that no you still wanted to fuck Lucas. And now you're pondering the sexual prowess of a certain Nathan Scott."

"He's married."

"Oh like the words 'he's taken' have ever meant much to you. Now that Luke is dead, you have to turn to someone don't you? And Jake is _so_ boring. But just to comfort your unravaged loins, I'd imagine Lucas with his lack of experience would suck in the sack. I, on the other hand-"

"Excuse me? Are you hitting on me now?"

"Just because I think you're pathetic doesn't mean I don't think you're fuckable." Tommy Lee Lucas smirked, cockily letting his eyes linger on her breasts and legs.

"You digusting-!"

"Come on, Peyton! Pay attention!" He reprimanded again, loudly interrupting her with an annoyingly self-satisifed and entirely mocking expression on his face.

Peyton glared at him but turned her attention back to Mini-Lucas, who had slipped into his house an hour or so after the practice. She slipped through the doorway behind Mini-Lucas, curiously noting the tense way he was walking.

Apprehensively, Mini-Lucas dropped his bag in his room and went to the kitchen for a drink. He stumbled back instantly.

Sitting at the table was Karen, who had her fingers against her temple and a clenched photograph in her hand. Prom night. King and Queen. She looked haunted and the slight redness around her eyes displayed openly how disturbing it was for her to be around Dan so openly.

Mini-Lucas looked frightened and seemed to think about turning around but Karen noticed him before he could bolt. Jolting a bit, she crumpled the photo out of sight and forced a smile on her face.

At his pained look, she managed a generic excuse. "My allergies are acting up again. You better count your blessings in that you don't get hay fever." Karen said lightly. "Congratulations on making the team, honey. This is amazing and you deserve it."

"Thanks." Mini-Lucas murmured. He glanced at his feet and stuffed his hands in his pocket. "Mom… is it really bad seeing him? I don't…I don't have to…"

"Oh, all I see out there is you, Lucas. You're going to be a great basketball player someday."

"…Are you…sure?"

"Of course." She waved off his concerns. "It's sweet of you to be concerned about me, but you're over thinking thinks. Now, I have to get back to the café. Why don't you go spend some time with your new teammates?"

Mini-Lucas nodded absently while Karen kissed him on the forehead before bustling away.

xXx

"So you stayed on the team. Big deal."

"Yes it was." Tommy Lee Lucas answered.

"Okay, so it hurt your mom… That's not the end of the world."

"It was the end of your world."

xXx

Peyton was in the school gym and by the looks and sounds of it, a game had just been won for the Ravens. She scanned around for Lucas and found him but again was surprised to realize he was younger. He wasn't younger by much, but his hair was longer than it had been since she first started talking to him. This was likely only a little earlier than the day she almost ran him over.

"Well, this is good- you didn't have to face off Nathan to get a spot on the team."

It was clear that in this world too Nathan and Lucas were the star players. Equally obvious was their loathing for each other that transcended realities. They were pointedly avoiding each other, even though it seemed clear that they were responsible for the winning goals- Nathan blocked and Luke scored.

Nathan wiped off the sweat from his forehead and nodded towards the cheerleaders. Peyton and Brooke were still in that group. Nate broke away from the team to give AU Peyton a kiss. So she was still his girlfriend here.

Peyton frowned. Aside from Luke being on the team earlier, she didn't see…

Luke also strode towards the cheerleaders and gave Brooke a lingering kiss. That lasted. And lasted. He slipped his hand under her skirt even though the gym was swarming with people. Breaking away from the kiss, Brooke giggled breathlessly while Lucas smugly looked at Nathan as if to silently brag about how his girlfriend put out more than his did. AU Peyton was likely no more fond of public groping than Peyton was.

"Okay, so he's also dating Brooke."

"Nicely spotted."

"Wait, where's Haley?"

"Oh, they're around. But you didn't think they'd be caught dead at a school game, did you?"

They were at the river court. Jimmy and Mouth were perched on the sidelines, doing their bit. Peyton recognized Skillz. And with the revving of car announcing his passing came Lucas, with Brooke in his passenger's seat.

"Hey riverrats!" Lucas jeered.

Skillz glared at him, as did everyone else.

"How's it feel to play in the dark and the cold with no one who gives a shit while we get all the glory? Losers!"

And with a laugh, he drove off into the night with Brooke snorting snottily at his side.

Back at his house, Luke gestured for Brooke to get in the back seat of his car before he hopped out and entered his house.

Karen was there, obviously attempting to pretend as though she hadn't been waiting for him to return.

"How was the game?"

"You know you don't care." Lucas coldly said as he walked by without even a glance in her direction.

"Of course I care- I closed down the shop to be here to ask, didn't I?"

"You haven't been to a game in years."

"That's not fair, I went to every practice you had-"

"In junior high. Thanks for being there for me, really. But honestly I don't care anymore. And in answer to the question you really wanted to ask, Dan looks fine and no he didn't march up to me and demand how you were and if he may possibly have a chance at being with you. No declarations of love for you." Luke rolled his eyes and headed straight to his room.

After a moment of defeated silence in the kitchen, Karen roughly put away her cup and disappeared in her room as well, a look of crushing sadness on her face.

Lucas, meanwhile, had been waiting for the door slam of his mothers. He turned on some generic top 40 rock music that was nice and loud before whipping his cell out and texting into it. A minute later, Brooke appeared at his door.

"I can't believe she hasn't noticed anything yet in all this time."

"What can I say. My mom's an idiot."

She giggled and fell against him as Lucas forcefully crushed his lips against hers and dragged her onto his bed.

Peyton protested violently at this point. "Okay, stop it, there's no way a porno viewing of sex with them will make me understand anything more clearly."

Tommy Lee Lucas grinned. "But she's so _hot._"

At Peyton's threatening look, he relented, but not before giving her friend a leering look as Lucas discarded her bra.

"Don't look at her like that-"

"Please. That was me, remember? Me, doing that. Many, many times over."

Peyton shuddered and the scene fast forwarded to the morning, where Lucas woke up and sharply kicked Brooke out of his house.

"See you later, baby." She cooed.

"Just be quiet on your way out. And wipe your mouth, there's still coke on it."

At that, Peyton choked. "Coke? Cocaine?"

"Yes."

"You got my best friend roped into drugs?" Peyton angrily shrieked.

"She got me into them, actually. I was getting bored with her and in a last ditch attempt to please me when sex wasn't enough for me, she promised me a better high. She was so desperate and whorey, it was almost pathetic."

"Why?"

"Because I'm intoxicating and I got her addicted to me early on. We started dating when she was fourteen. In this world, I was King."

"You're a more prickly version of Nathan."

"Exactly."

"Why?"

Lucas fell back on his bed after kicking Brooke out and fell asleep. Karen woke him up a while later, and she snapped at him suspiciously for his appearance, to which he replied that he just tossed and turned all night. The way he said it implied he was mocking her, but she didn't make an effort to chide him. Long gone was the bond Peyton had been so used to seeing.

"I broke my mother's heart the day I accepted the position on the team and every day afterwards I took away another chunk. I felt so guilty at first, and then I got mad at her for making me feel so guilty about such a good thing. So I started hating her to prevent myself from hating myself. We grew apart. She couldn't bear to be near Dan and I hated forcing it on her but eventually I told myself she was the selfish one. I was a good player, as good as Nathan. And I wanted it for me, I pushed myself- unlike Nathan who did it for his dad. So that made me a better player. Not having money didn't matter. I was the star athlete and good looking. My reign matched Nathan's perfectly. It was natural that I choose a cheerleader as queen and since Nathan had you and I had no interest in the tortured artist vibe you sent out, I chose Brooke. Of course, I cheated on her with most of the girls in the school. And I did bang you once too. Nathan had been mean and you had looked all sympathetic so I played it up to my advantage and fucked you. You then proceeded to break up with Nathan because you thought I liked you. I personally thought you were irritating and just found it amusing to hurt Nathan and crush you. I won. Brooke was a lapdog of mine who didn't reciprocate Nathan's attempts at retaliation and since I wasn't an outcast with outcast friends, he didn't have anyone to get back at me with. Eventually he failed two or three courses without Haley there to teach him, since his pride prevented him from getting help and without me as a beacon of revenge to goad him into getting tutored. He dropped out to play at High Flyers, as did I. He hooked up with you again after forgiving you but I managed to sway you again and in a threesome too. He wouldn't take you back and word spread that you were a massive slut- you were booted from the popularity crowd. Since I wasn't there to submit your work for you, you never recognized your artistic potential and drowned in self pity and angst with no outlet. In a Rachel-like fit, you rammed your car into mine one night and killed me inadvertently. And so this is why I am now dead jack ass Lucas." Tommy Lee Lucas pleasantly droned on. "Don't you like these huge ass monologues of mine? I know I do."

"I don't believe you."

"You killed me. And you're killing your own Lucas too. Someone really is cursed."

xXx

"Make him stop." Peyton pleaded. She had angrily walked to the cemetery and was waiting for her Lucas and Keith to come up and drive some morality back into the conversation.

"No. I'm sick of him coddling you. You don't get to be comforted in your little cocoon."

"Look, _I _didn't personally kill you. Is that all that happened to you? You don't have a right to be so damn overdramatic."

Oh, but that wasn't all. Not that she actually cared.

"Why do you hate me so?" Tommy Lee Lucas pouted. "We did have decent sex, you know. Not as good as Brooke, but you always did say I was so much better than Nathan."

"You sicken me."

"No I don't. You're attracted to Lucas. I am Lucas. Therefore, you would want to screw me as much as you would want to screw your Lucas."

"Look at you!"

Tommy Lee Lucas raised an eyebrow and in a moment the wig was off and his clothes were normal. Well, normal-ish. He looked like something out of an Abercrombie ad.

"What? I may have been poor but this was what I looked like. Brooke was rich, remember?"

His hair was longish, with bangs overshadowing his right eye but even through the locks the blue in his eyes glittered through. He had stubble across his face and he looked startlingly more mature than she could have imagined Lucas to look like.

"You look ridiculous. Except now you can't blame the wig." She lied.

He tilted his head and then his hair changed to the gelled spikes, similar to how her Lucas had once worn it but…better. How could that even be possible?

His outfit shifted to formalwear and he had on a black suit and clear blue tie.

"This more your taste?"

"Go away."

"You know you want me."

"I want LUCAS."

With another shift, he had the sleek styling her Lucas was currently donning and his outfit was the casual-cool that she knew so well.

Squinting compassionately, he said, "Oh, Peyton, I'm so sorry. Was he being a jack ass? Shall I kill him for you? Shall I get tazored and nearly shot and completely ridiculed for you? Shall I make him shut up so you only ever hear nice little words that won't make you cry?" Cruel smile on his face, he shifted back to the spiked haircut.

Crossing her arms, Peyton turned away.

Tommy Lee Lucas leaned in way too close to comfort and breathed on her neck. "You know, I really would be better in bed."

She shot him a deadly look and ignored him.

Sighing, he reverted slightly back to the costume and his arms were scattered with tattoos again.

"I'm more muscular too. Have an eight pack."

"I. Don't. Give."

"Aw, I give out my life's story and you act like this?"

"You're a jack ass who alienated everyone who may have loved you. It's your fault."

"I was eleven, darling."

"Yeah?" Peyton stuck her jaw out challengingly. "So was my Lucas. He seemed to make the right choice."

"You know what? Fuck you; I think I want to make you cry again! Time for the next round! Maybe this time you'll choose one where Lucas, your saintly do-no-wrong Lucas, will fuck up close to the time you knew him and you'll see we are all one and the same. Different versions of the same fuck-ups."

"Do you even regret it? Regret saying yes? Regret doing all the shit you pulled?"

"I had a fun few years. Better than the always conscientious life your Luke chose."

"So if you had to do it all over again, you'd do nothing different?"

"Well, clearly, I'd have stayed the hell away from you. There are easier ways to piss off Nathan."

Peyton looked at him; just looked.

"Surprising as it may be, Lucas Scott isn't always the good guy."

"Wait.. You said the bad guy kicks it. If you weren't regretful, you wouldn't have referred to yourself as the bad guy."

"I _like_ being the bad guy."

"You're not the bad guy. Dan, Daunte, they're the bad guys."

"Oh?" He grinned.

"Yes. You're a wannabe."

"Yes. Let's make you cry again." He narrowed his eyes.

"No regrets?"

"The question is, do you have any? That's the point of the whole, what would you do differently choice you've been given. What regret would you alter."

Peyton wearily nodded.

"I know why this is so hard to answer. You don't want to do the noble thing. You want the bad guy."

"For the last time, I don't want you."

"Has it occurred to you how much more pleasant Lucas's life might be had you just stayed with Nathan, leaving his life considerably less dramatic?"

The question shocked her.

"Maybe you're asking yourself, could I love Nathan? And maybe you're scared because you know the answer is yes. And maybe you're really worried because that world just may be that utopia you want- a world where you don't get Lucas at all. Not now, not in the future, and not even in the past. No memories to tide you over, but he could live and all could be rosy. Are you scared of what you might see, Peyton?"

"I thought these had to be choices linked directly to the championship."

"I lied."

"I am going to end up crying again, aren't I?"

"Oh, that's unquestionable."

"Just so you know, that's not one of the regrets I have. Choosing Luke."

"Uh huh. Sure. I know you wonder."

"I don't."

"Did you choose the wrong Scott brother?"

"I don't wonder!"

Angel of Death Peyton popped up and slipped her arm through Tommy Lee's. "Oh, of course we do."

"There is no we."

"There is no you without me. There is a we. And we have wondered. We've been naughty little sluts in our imagination, haven't we? Thinking about married men."

"Stop it!"

"So you don't want to know, then?"

Peyton hesitated.

"...No. I do."

"_We_ do, Peyton." She said, just to be annoying.

"I wish I could make you shut up."

"Oh, but how lonely would that be?" She jeered.

"You need us." Tommy Lee Lucas stated.

And Peyton knew that was the truth.

What she didn't know was that Tommy Lee Lucas hadn't told her half of the truth about his life... And he never would.

* * *

**AN: **This wasn't an actual option for Peyton, since she was just curious to see what happened to TLL. The decision that warped his life wasn't a massive one but it was canon. Tommy Lee Lucas's world is based on the decision Luke mentioned that he made, I think it was in S1, he described how he quit basketball early on as a kid because he found out Dan was his real dad and Nathan his brother and didn't want to hurt his mom. The end of this chap stems from my shock at the previews for the coming wednesday, for those of you who have seen it. Thank you all for the input :) 


	4. The Other Brother

**AN: **I know people are going to start threatening me if my updates are as sporadic as they have been of late, apologies. The reason for that is the fact that I used to have art classes during the OTH timeslot- meaning I missed most of the first season and have only caught snippets using the net, along with transcripts and the lovely TWP. So I couldn't scrounge up very many Pathan moments for Peyton to re-do. I finally settled on the only memory I have of them that would be plausible. Hope you guys enjoy ) Thanks so much for reviewing, it's the main reason I keep ploughing on here. And yeah, sorry- I said this would be up sooner than this... hee. But OTH comes back in two days, so hopefully I'll have the urge to spit out faster updates.

* * *

**3: Tall Dark & Handsome. The Other Brother.**

Nathan Scott was Peyton's first crush.

He was the first boy she ever liked.

He was the first boy she ever kissed.

He was the first boy she ever went out with.

He was the first boy she ever had sex with.

Nathan was Peyton's first everything.

They would always dismiss their time together as being little more than a continuous chain of booty calls. They would come to view their relationship as less of a steady girlfriend/boyfriend thing and more of a friends-with-benefits type of deal. This is how they dealt with it. They had to keep telling themselves that they wouldn't have worked out, that they didn't work out, that the only good thing that came of their relationship was sex. But that was a lie.

He was Peyton's first everything. It meant much, much more to her than she ever let on. It was never just about the physicality. And he knew it. Which is why they lied and said always that they were horrible together. They fought constantly- that was true. But damn it, they only fought because they cared and couldn't stand it when the other person didn't seem to understand or feel the same way.

They weren't good people back then. Neither of them were happy. But that was not a result of their being together. They were unhappy because circumstances made them that way. The truth of the matter is that without each other, their lives would have been much more miserable than it was. Contrary to what they let others think, they did save each other in their own way.

And they cared. God, they cared. He was her first, how could she not care?

As much of a jack ass as Nathan was, how could he not care that he was her first? That was a sacred title since this wasn't a one night stand or the result of a drunken dare. He liked her. He asked her out. They dated. He cared for her and she for him. The sex was not just physical. She did not just do it to get it over with, and he didn't pressure her into doing it. They both genuinely felt for each other. She will always hold a small section of him because though she wasn't his first, she was the first girl he fucked and actually cared about. The first girl he could say he _made love with_.

They cared. But they dismissed it.

_"Has it occurred to you how much more pleasant Lucas's life might be had you just stayed with Nathan, leaving his life considerably less dramatic?"_

_"Maybe you're asking yourself, could I love Nathan? And maybe you're scared because you know the answer is yes. And maybe you're really worried because that world just may be that utopia you want- a world where you don't get Lucas at all. Not now, not in the future, and not even in the past. No memories to tide you over, but he could live and all could be rosy. Are you scared of what you might see, Peyton?"_

Peyton hadn't spent much time with Nathan in ages. Since breaking up, they've barely interacted. And that's not because they've lost interest in each other. It's because they both dove right into new relationships so quickly they didn't have time to properly deal with their own. It's because they weren't sure of how they would still feel after all this time. It's because a small voice still occasionally asks 'what if?'.

And she remembered, after skimming through the many memories she had, she remembered the one pivotal incident where things could have happened differently. Had she been a worse person, had he been a worse person…

But could she do it? Did she really want to see?

Tommy Lee Lucas was staring at her. "You know what you want to change." It wasn't a question.

"I don't know if I can do this."

"It's not like you're doing anything definite. There's nothing wrong with seeing what could have happened. Or are you really that scared that you'd be better off without Luke?"

"I'm not a bad person."

Tommy Lee Lucas laughed. "No, you just dally around with your best friend's boyfriend behind her back, string on single fathers who are so pussy whipped by you it's unfair, and who by just_ living_ directly led to Keith's death. You're the paradigm of goodness."

"I don't… I don't want to steal Haley's husband. I don't- this isn't-"

"Honey, what we're doing now? He won't be her husband."

"You don't understand- the thing I want to change, he was with her. He was with her and she really really liked him and I can't do that to her."

"But you want to."

Peyton sighed. "I don't know."

"There's nothing wrong in just seeing what could have happened, like I said. This is just a possibility."

"Why are you being so nice? You want to set me up for hating myself, don't you?" Peyton demanded suspiciously.

"Possibly." Tommy Lee Lucas grinned. "But I'm actually curious."

Peyton took a deep breath and looked around. She hadn't seen her Lucas in a while. Probably because her conscience wouldn't be able to take it.

"Oooh! I know what you're thinking of, you dirty little slut." Angel of Death Peyton exclaimed suddenly. "We always did have a secret fantasy for doing it in the water, didn't we?"

Peyton shut her eyes, scandalized.

Angel of Death Peyton looked at Tommy Lee Lucas and smiled knowingly. "To the auction night we go."

"'There will be a time where you will wish you did little evil to do greater good.'" Tommy Lee Lucas quoted before Peyton's vision clouded over and everything faded out again. Through the grey swirl she was now becoming accustomed to, Peyton recognized the very familiar setting.

Music. Lights. A cocky, stripping Nathan.

Apartment. Pool. A still cocky, now wet Nathan.

Apartment. Bedroom. An amazingly decent Nathan.

_"What happened to us, Peyton? We used to be good together."_

"_It's just sex, right?" _

"_You're turning into the kind of guy I always knew you would be."_

"_I guess I'll always have feelings for you, Peyton. But I owe it to Haley to be a better guy than I've been. I just don't wanna be the kind of guy who cheats on her."_

Peyton opened her mouth, completely panicking.

Luckily for her, the mocking voice of Tommy Lee Lucas interrupted the decision she thought she would have to make that instant. For once, he was welcome.

"For those in the audience who aren't aware of every detail of your life, I think a refresher course is needed. A recap, if you will. A taste to remind you of just exactly what happened in the original scenario to better understand what it is you can and will change. So relax, chicken legs- you don't have to re-do the night right this second. Though God, that look of sheer panic on your face a second ago was something I could not pass up seeing." He laughed at her look of puzzled relief and only laughed louder as the expression turned to a slight glare.

"Jack ass."

"Oh? I'm sorry, would you like to tell Nathan you do actually want to screw his brains out?" Tommy Lee Lucas innocently asked, cocking his head to the side and somehow making the pool in which past-Nathan had just been speaking in materialize again. Tommy Lee Lucas looked at the paused image of Nathan and puckered his lips. "Aren't we just the hottest brothers you could ask for?"

Peyton crossed her arms and eloquently said, "If I had met you a year ago, I would have physically shoved your foot in your mouth."

"Guess my other half just turned you into a pussy, didn't he?"

She gaped indignantly for a second but Tommy Lee Lucas rolled his eyes and interrupted. It was fast becoming a habit of his. "Like I said, let's glance over the night that could have been, shall we?"

Peyton blinked and when she reopened her eyes, she was standing beside her past form talking to Haley as a half naked Nathan preened on a walkway in front of a crowd of screaming women.

Haley was begging her to bid on him, to get him away from _them._ Fishing out her emergency twenty triumphantly, past Peyton shouted out the winning bid of $112.

She had to do the bidding for Nathan since Haley had opted to spend some platonic friend time with Lucas and Jake, Peyton's original boy of choice, had been outbid by someone Peyton couldn't identify.

As the ladies went to pay and collect their prizes, Nathan was his perfectly deadpanningly arrogant self as he strutted up to his girl and his ex. Haley told him not to have fun, and Nathan so charmingly told Peyton to hurry up so he could get it over with. Peyton of course felt the need to joke that this was what he used to say before the pair had sex.

The two of them headed for Nathan's new apartment. He had just become emancipated and his place barely had time to be painted, much less be filled with furniture. It was actually pretty empty- with the notable exception of him having a bed.

As she was shown around the apartment, Nathan led her to the outdoor pool and in typical fashion, "accidentally slipped" and pushed her in with him, both fully clothed. She hadn't wanted to swim because she had stated that he was her boy toy- to which he responded _just like old times._ She rolled her eyes and responded that he did whatever he wanted, which was usually sucky or mean. He simply told her that she had let him.

They had an underwater sparring match that seemed to last for ages before settling down and talking, still in the pool.

Nathan looked at her. "What happened to us, Peyton? We used to be good together."

Past Peyton responded firmly with, "No. We weren't. We just had sex a lot."

He asked her if she was sure about that.

"Trust me." And then she told him that he knew she was the only one she's been with and they both confessed that even though they broke up, neither of them had slept with anyone else since.

Nathan swam closer to her and said, "It's just sex, right?"

Past Peyton was affronted and declared how Haley deserved better than that because of how much she liked and trusted Nathan, adding in, "And yeah, we could do it right here in the pool and no one would know, but I would know and you would know." She wouldn't do that to herself, or to Haley, or even to Nathan because he wasn't that much of a jack ass.

Nathan's response made her want to curl up and die. "I know it would hurt Haley, the only reason I mentioned it was to let you know that I wasn't pressuring her." To humiliate her completely, he smirked that she said he was good in bed. Having no response to that, Peyton just dunked herself under water in complete embarrassment.

Later, they left the pool and returned to the apartment, Nathan lending Peyton his sweatshirt as they both dry off and change out of their dripping clothes.

She's in the middle of towelling her hair when he admits that he was hitting on her back in the pool, attempting to explain why he did it with, "I don't know anymore. This whole good guy thing is new to me. I guess I'll always have feelings for you, Peyton."

Past Peyton felt her heart seize up minutely at that remark. It shouldn't have affected her but it did. She ignored the fluttering in her stomach and repressed the voice inside that said 'me too! Me too!' at the top of it's lungs. Because God, she had known that she would always feel for him but had been scared that she really was just a sport fuck in his eyes. For all the times she said that's all they were, she would have been rather hurt had he ever actually considered it as such.

As her brain went all kinds of crazy mulling over that one sentence, Nathan continued on and made those thoughts of hers shut up. "But I owe it to Haley to be a better guy than I've been. And I just don't want to be the kind of guy that cheats on her."

To cover for her uncomfortable line of thinking earlier, Peyton smiled and told him that she was proud of the man he was becoming. "You're turning into the kind of guy I always knew you could be."

Everything in her life had made it necessary for Peyton to be able to cover up her real feelings with ease. She was good at acting. But that didn't mean she wanted to stick around to hear more of whatever he had to say. It didn't mean she could pretend to herself that she didn't feel the stirrings of past emotion just by being near Nathan. So she said she should get going.

By boy toy rules, he owed her a kiss. So she received one. It was sweet, friendly, and altogether innocent. And it would be the very last time Peyton Sawyer would ever get to taste Nathan Scott. It was a good-bye kiss; the closure to their relationship.

And yet it never did fully close their relationship. It couldn't. Not when he was with Haley. Not when she was just getting out of a serious emotional relationship with Lucas. They couldn't honestly address anything they felt about 'them' when they were already supposed to have moved on so long ago. There was no them.

Just that sad little kiss where Peyton felt the fabric of the hoodie that had brushed his bare skin brush against her own. And the things she felt, the actions she briefly considered that night, were all shoved violently into a box she would deny existed.

It was just a whisper, barely a spark. But it existed. And with time, the repression would make her stop thinking about it but with that repression the 'what if' would grow. The whisper would never be silenced because she would refuse to acknowledge that it existed at all.

Tommy Lee Lucas reared his obnoxious head again, "Awww."

Peyton ground her teeth together. "I don't want to do this. I've changed my mind."

"No you haven't. You still wonder. People everywhere wonder what would have happened had they made that one choice differently, here you are given the ability to do this for several choices and you decline?"

"I know it's a difficult concept for you, but I have a conscience!"

"You're just scared to death, that's all. Come on. You're the one who decided Lucas was more important to you than your best friend. Who are you really going to hurt? At the time, Nathan was using Haley to get back at Lucas anyways and you had already broken up with Luke. You were single and his relationship with Haley was casual at best. And must I re state that this will be a hypothetical situation? No one will be hurt."

"You're being strangely reassuring." Peyton pointed out, ever the suspicious one.

"Well I'm getting increasingly impatient at your lack of assertiveness. Just pick a freakin' choice so we can get this stupid thing over with, already!"

"I want to talk to Luke."

"No you don't. You and I both know he wouldn't help in this scenario at all."

The blonde rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to take that as, 'Yes, hot Lucas, I'm ready to try to sex up your brother!'" Tommy Lee Lucas said in a falsetto, seconds before the grey mist reappeared, signalling the imminent do over.

As the greyness swirled around her head, Peyton couldn't help but think back to the beginning of the night she would be re-doing. Nathan was undeniably attractive and loath as she was to admit it, the cocky side of him was a bit of a turn on. Not that she went for jack asses.

He wasn't always that way, though. The night Nathan had slipped in Karen and Dan's prom tape into his beach house at a basketball after party had resulted in Peyton wondering if her and Brooke would turn out that way. Brooke had lightly said that maybe Peyton would because she let her boyfriend treat her like crap. But it wasn't always that way. He wasn't that bastard that Lucas and the unpopulars had hated so much. He had always been arrogant but he had cared about her. And he had treated her right. It was only recently that things turned sour.

The pair had dated for two years. Two years. She would not have stayed with him for so long if they weren't decent together. And the tidbit about them having sex a lot and that being all their relationship were? They only started having sex a year and a half into their relationship. He hadn't pressured her at all- even though he had just experienced his first sexual encounter two months before dating her. Peyton had been Nathan's lucky number seven in terms of his fuck list. Their dynamic had turned crappy in their final two months together, with their constant break ups. During those break ups, Peyton was fully aware of the fact that he seized those technicalities and slept around- even if they were normally broken up for only a few hours.

By the time they broke up for good, he had probably garnered an impressive 40+ conquest list. Comparing that to Peyton being his seventh it's not hard to tell why everyone thought he was such a dick. He was a man whore. And Peyton was too pissed off at the world to really give a shit. It was during those last two months that they had really started to degenerate into fuck buddies.

Funnily enough, after their final break up, Nathan hadn't slept with anyone else until he married Haley. After realizing they were done for good, he had been affected enough to actually not want the random girl booty calls anymore. It was the small details like that one remark of his about him not being with anyone since Peyton that alluded to how much he did care about her. Never explicit, always played down. God, she wished it wasn't like that. She wanted honesty, just for once.

And now she could have it- it was hers for the taking. The mist cleared. She found herself bent over, testing the temperature of Nathan's pool. Peyton had just enough time to realize with exasperation just what moment jack ass Tommy Lee Lucas had sent her back to before she felt Nate's arms slip around her as they both fell into the water.

She shrieked, just as she did before. And familiarly, Nathan mischievously said he slipped, impish grin intact. The blonde relished the renewal of the water fight.

After they calmed down again, Peyton once again floated near the edge of the pool and casually looked at her ex boyfriend, preparing herself for what would come.

As they repeated the same conversation as they had the first time round, Peyton realized with a jolt that it had always been her who said all their relationship had been was sex. He had always protested minutely. Funny, wasn't it?

"What happened to us, Peyton? We used to be good together."

"No, we weren't. We just had sex a lot."

"You sure about that?"

Peyton hesitated. "You're the only guy I've been with, you knew that."

He said him too and then- "It's just sex, right?"

Instead of bringing up Haley, Peyton stared into those intense eyes that had once made her weak in the knees and allowed her body to shift slightly closer to him as he drifted nearer to her.

Her silence led to Nathan's cocky head rearing itself earlier. "You know, you totally just said I was good in bed."

She could have hid in mortification, but this time she found herself smiling slightly. "You were my one and only so it's not like I have a lot to compare you to, but yeah you are good in bed. Come on, do you really think I'd have done it with you so often if I didn't enjoy it?"

His eyebrows shot up in surprise at her frankness and she laughed.

Resting her hand on his wet chest, Peyton added in quietly, "And Nate? Of course it wasn't just sex."

She left him rather shocked in the pool while she lifted herself up and out. Flinging her hand down, she helped him out and the two walked back to his apartment.

Feeling nervous as all hell, Peyton accepted the proffered clothes he handed her and changed. They smelled of his laundry detergent and of him. It made her smile despite herself.

Nathan uncertainly repeated the same words she remembered well. "So, I think I was hitting on you in the pool."

"I think I was reciprocating." She wryly responded.

"This whole good guy thing is new to me. I guess I'll always have feelings for you, Peyton."

"You've always had the good guy in you." She said before he could bring up Haley. "And you know when I said we weren't just about sex? I meant it. God, Nathan, you were my first boyfriend… I gave my virginity to you. That's not a light thing, even for a bitchy whore like me." She joked. "It hurt too much to admit that I felt anything for you, especially when you went around hitting on every girl in the area. I didn't want to make it obvious that you mattered more to me than I did to you."

"The other girls meant nothing to me, you know that-!"

"I stuck around while you slept around. Do you wonder why I did that? It's not that I didn't care or that I somehow like being a doormat. It's just that, despite what we both say, we were good together for most of the time we were together. It was only recently where you started being a dick and I stopped calling you out on it."

"I know." He admitted. "And I'm sorry. You deserved better."

"I'm sorry for bringing this up." Peyton sighed. "We were doing so well at pretending. I'm sorry I had to ruin the bubble we existed in just fine."

"It's probably good we're mentioning it. God knows I wouldn't have. Every time I try to, you brush us off as being fuck buddies."

"I've just noticed that," she laughed. "It's a defence mechanism, I guess."

"You meant just as much to me as I did to you, if not more, Peyt. You were the one I thought of when things got really bad, you were the person I went to when I couldn't deal with my dad's crap anymore."

"I guess making varsity was what changed you then. Why did everything turn so bad for us?"

"Come on. Everyone could tell you were into Lucas. And why not, you guys were perfect for each other. I couldn't just stand there and try to win you back when you were already falling for him. Appearances, you know. And I don't know… when I made varsity dad just turned way more severe with training and I didn't want you to feel sorry for me."

"So you kicked up the jack ass meter. Wow. Nice method there."

"Hey, you weren't exactly warm and fuzzy either."

Peyton cocked her head to the side and playfully socked him in the arm. "Maybe we're more alike than we thought."

He chuckled.

"Nate, you really are turning into the kind of guy I always knew you could be. The kind of guy you were not so long ago, the guy who had his hands in his pocket and a shy nervousness that one day in tenth grade when you asked me out. The guy who brought me roses and was so gentlemanly you only kissed me on the cheek that first night."

He remembered. "You made me nervous, I'll admit it. You were different from all the other popular girls. And everyone said you were so damn picky with giving out dates. Seriously, all the guys were impressed when you said yes to go out with me. I think having you as my girl is half the reason why I became the most popular kid in the school."

"I'll let you in on a little something. I've always thought you were hot and I was pleased you asked me out. It wasn't some charity date- I was giddy and I made Brooke come over three hours early to coach me on not making an idiot of myself."

The pair sat down on the floor against the wall and grinned at their slightly pathetic past.

"I'm glad we were together."

"We were good together, weren't we? Before we started fighting non-stop?"

"We only fought because I didn't treat you right."

"You did, once."

"I guess becoming a junior went straight to my head." He said apologetically.

"Would it be out of line right now if I continued this stupid chain of honesty and said that I… miss you, sometimes?"

"I do too."

Peyton glanced at the watch around Nathan's wrist and commented, "Well. It's just about midnight. Looks like you're not my boy toy any more."

"Aw, and you didn't really even get a chance to do anything with me." He joked. "I guess the rules state that I owe you a kiss." He leaned in closer to her and she almost let him. Almost. Peyton pulled away at the last moment and stood up.

"I can't let you do that because truth be told I kind of wanted to just say screw morals and well, have sex with you back when we were in the pool. And I hate myself for it and so yeah I don't think I should get that goodnight kiss because really again it'd be a case of you meaning more to me than me to you and I've just made a huge idiot of myself all night and I can't seem to stop."

"I love it when you start rambling." Nathan grinned and joined her standing up. He smoothed over a wet curl of hers and tucked it behind her ear. "And I'm sorry Peyton, but rules are rules." He leaned in again and slipped his arm behind her to bring her closer to him. The kiss this time was not as innocent as it should have been. In reliving what it was they had been, this kiss was like so many of their other ones, so familiar and so natural. His lips parted and before either of them could realize that they weren't allowed to kiss this way any more since they had broken up, his tongue glided into her mouth.

A two second peck turned into a three minute breath withholding make out session.

His hand slipped down to her waist and hers caressed his chest, the material of his wife beater thin enough so that she could feel every detail of his upper body in all its sculpted perfection. His fingers found their way under the hoodie of his she was wearing and then he had picked her up and against him as she wrapped her legs around his waist in a straddle.

"Did you say pool?" He breathed.

Next thing she knew, their clothes were being ripped off and they were all over each other under water. God, it felt good.

It was intoxicating. He could make her body feel things no one else had yet managed to make her feel.

As they finished a third round, Nathan asked with concern, "So, are you okay? Cold?"

"How come you're always nicest after sex?" She teased.

"'Cause it's when I'm in the best mood?"

She snorted and let him hold her against him in his arms.

"Nate?"

"Yeah?"

"What does this mean?"

He looked down at her and gave her a quick peck. "I don't know."

"A good bye fuck? A booty call? Or is it more?"

"I don't know. More."

"And Haley?"

"And Lucas?"

They just looked at each other.

Nathan finally said, "Well, for what it's worth, I don't regret this."

"You care about Haley, don't you?"

"I still care about you." He helped her out of the water again and wrapped a towel around her. "And… call me crazy but…"

"Can we try 'us' again?" Peyton weakly suggested.

His eyes melted into hers and just like old times, she felt weak just looking at him.

"Things will be different this time, I promise you." He whispered.

xXx

"_How's the tutoring going? You're tutoring Nathan right? __**It's ok. He tells me everything." -**__Peyton_

If they were so bad together, then why did he still trust her with everything he had, even when they were fighting constantly?

"_It's not about the car. It's about you. I finally saw you clearly for the first time last night. The way you treated me, the way you treated Tim, the way you treated your brother. And the way you're playing that girl."_

"_What? Are you talking about Haley? Is that what this is about? __**Peyton, she means nothing."**_

"_You're still an ass and what's really sad, Nathan, is that you're too stupid to get that. So thank you for being such an amazing son of a bitch last night. You really made this a no-brainer."_

It surprised him more than anyone could have suspected when she broke up with him for good. They had probably had at least a dozen break ups and make ups and it hadn't occurred to him that they could ever really end for sure. She had become so much apart of him that he didn't know what exactly to do when they weren't a couple anymore. At the time, she had looked to Luke and he to Hales but throughout it all, he had always thought Peyton would be the girl he'd be going home to at the end of every day.

So they were together. Again.

They were happy, in a way.

He almost reverted back to his jack ass tendencies- staying with Haley for the emotional cushion she provided with all her innocence and using Peyton as a sex object to get him off. Peyton didn't take to that and booted his ass out the door- so he finally chose his first deep relationship over Haley.

He wasn't a bad guy and she finally stood up for herself. And when he treated her like the way he would have treated Haley had they stayed together, Peyton thought she had found her prince after all.

As time wore on, Lucas faded from her mind, the attraction dimming. Nathan was who she was most attracted to and his wise cracking in your face remarks (when toned down so as not to be overly harsh) made her laugh. She was once more that young school girl who had anxiously begged her best friend to help her prepare for her first date.

She still clearly remembers the first time they slept together. He had been so careful, so considerate. Nathan was paranoid she would think all he wanted was to get in her pants- despite the fact that he had patiently waited the year and a half for his girlfriend to be comfortable enough to do it. It was a beautiful night and their first time had been at his house, while his parents were away.

That was one of the happiest times she could remember.

xXx

"Look at you, all happy." Tommy Lee Lucas gushed annoyingly. "Looks like someone does indeed have bad lusty thoughts over an ex."

Peyton didn't have an answer to that.

"Is that what you want then?"

"I shouldn't have felt that happy." She muttered guiltily.

"Oh come on. You don't believe in soulmates, do you? You can be just as happy with any number of people, if the circumstances are right."

"I always thought I was meant to be with Luke- and-"

"And now you're going to break his undead heart." Tommy Lee Lucas pouted. "Isn't it tragic that he comes to comfort you from beyond the grave to offer you hope and you want to choose a reality where he's barely in your life at all?"

"I never said that's what I wanted-"

"You do want it, though, darling." Angel of Death Peyton smiled. "Nathan was one hell of a hot man in bed and otherwise. Nice choice. I approve."

Keith sighed and materialized beside the trio. "Before making any hasty decisions, you need to know the full story, the full repercussions. And Lucas here should have told you them already." He shot the boy a look.

"Oh but we were _so_ close…"

"Manipulative schemer that he is, he wants the worst for you. Don't forget that, Peyton." Keith rolled his eyes. "If he's goading you into choosing a supposedly utopian world, it's clearly got flaws he's trying to hide because he'd be more than amused to see you pick a world in which you'd be miserable."

Tommy lee Lucas crossed his arms. "Fine. I knew someone would call me out on it. She's too stupid to do that herself."

"That wounds me deep inside." Peyton snorted sarcastically.

"Mmm. I know the perfect way to drive the point home." Tommy Lee Lucas smirked. "Let's have a chat with the girl you back stabbed, shall we?"

Haley walked into Peyton's line of vision with a scowl on her face. "You really are a backstabbing boyfriend stealing slut, aren't you?"

Peyton raised her eyebrows.

"Oh what, naïve little Haley James can't swear?" She hissed.

"What happened to you?"

"You stole my soul mate, I settled for yours."

"You and Luke?"

"Yeah, me and Luke."

"Were you happy?"

"I took over Karen's café when she retired. My whole life, and that's all I would be. A coffee shop owner. No one ever did find out that I could sing. I never had the guts to be more than a meek little could-have-been. I suppose I could have been happy with Luke, he was wonderful. But I never could get over his brother. And Luke knew that. He never forgave you for doing that to me. We weren't really happy. Lucas always knew I had settled for him as a second choice. But he never would break up with me because he didn't want to hurt what was left of me. So I ruined him, inadvertently. He tried so hard to be everything for me. As a result, both our sparks went out."

"But you and Nathan weren't that serious-"

"Oops. I guess I forgot to show you this detail." Tommy Lee Lucas piped up, blinking innocently.

Haley and Lucas in Karen's café. Boy Toy auction night. Lucas was glaring at Haley's lower back. Peyton frowned as she recognized Nathan's jersey number tattooed across her skin.

"Haley, why would you do that?"

"Because I'm in love with him."

Peyton felt her stomach lurch and looked at future Haley, who couldn't seem to do much but look incredibly hateful. The scene's not over.

"You're not a mess, you're just in love." Luke soothed.

"But I'm not sure if he is." Haley murmured quietly, tears overshadowing her face.

The scene faded away and Tommy Lee Lucas looked giddy with amusement. "Looks like he wasn't, after all, eh? She confesses her love and total commitment to him while he's eating his ex out in a pool. Isn't that sweet?"

"I didn't know she cared that much…"

"You are such a hobag." Tommy Lee Lucas shook his head. "Mm. Well, in case you're wondering, everyone lived a mediocre life as a result of your little tryst. You were all happy enough- but because of all that you sacrificed to get to that piece of middleclass heaven, no one was willing to risk changing anything for fear of making the sacrifice worthless. So you accepted the apathetic life instead of striving for more. Nathan would still go to Duke on full scholarship and be that basketball star he always wanted to be, but it'd be a hollow ride because well honey he wasn't a father yet and his life was 'meaningless'. Lucas and Haley never left Tree Hill and let's just say it, became rather celibate since after the first few times they had sex it just felt incestuous. He still wanted to protect her, but it made him sick to think of her as more than a sister. Amusing, no? Mm and Luke did have to drop bball because HCM was still there but he didn't care enough to have his 30 seconds of victory- Whitey never got his state championship. Brooke and you remained good friends, and she never did get close to Haley. As a result, Haley was a bit of a mousey stay-at-home nerd throughout her life."

Tommy Lee Lucas shrugged. "Well, look at this way. No one died or were really all that miserable. You did kind of become second generational Dan-and-Deb's, but you were all still alive and semi-decent. It's probably going to be the best case outcome. Do you really think you'll find a world where everyone's happy? This is the closest you've come and it's the closest you'll get. Choose it."

"I want to talk to Lucas."

"No, no you don't." Tommy Lee sighed. "Seriously, why the hell do you insist on guilt tripping yourself?"

"I want to talk to him!"

Next moment, Lucas's hand was comfortingly weighing down on her shoulder. Peyton turned to face him, her expression washed over with guilt.

"Hey. This is to make your life better, to make you feel better. I'm already dead, remember? Pick whatever it is you want to pick."

"It's not that I don't love you- I don't even feel anything for Nathan anymore, Luke, you have to understand."

"We always want what we can't have, right? But now you can have anything you want." Tommy Lee Lucas grinned.

She stared at her Lucas, at his soft concerned eyes and she didn't know what to do.

"Come on, go for tall dark and handsome." Angel of Death Peyton interrupted impatiently. "He's fucking gorgeous. And the whole concerned-and-sensitive act blond tortured jock is feeding you is going to get really old, really fast. He's a pussy. Nathan sure as hell isn't. The choice is easy."

"I'll understand, Peyt. I will." Luke reassured her.

She shook her head and took his hand. "I won't settle for mediocre. I won't settle for a half-life without you."

He smiled and kissed her lightly on the lips. "I really do love you more than you'll ever understand."

She smiled back.

Tommy Lee Lucas looked as though he might gag soon and quickly blurted loudly, "All right, then- so let's bring on the next door. And if you're going to start ripping each other's clothes off anytime soon make sure you warn us. There's nothing less attractive than angsty, whiney, over-sensitive, super pale sex between a bunch of pussy whipped vomit inducing doormats such as yourselves."

Peyton glared at him.

"What shall you choose next?"

"Can't we do this without you?"

Tommy Lee beamed. "Nope."

She exhaled heavily and tried to think of another choice to change while Tommy Lee smirked in the background.

"Man, this is boring." He rolled his eyes and as if to specially accommodate him, Angel of Death Peyton draped her arms across his chest and started sucking on his neck. "Mmm. Want to amuse me, baby?"

"I'll be your sex object if you'll be my boy toy." She responded lowly.

Peyton crammed her hands over her ears and screwed her eyes shut as the couple behind her started moaning as Angel of Death Peyton began systematically teasing Tommy Lee Lucas.

"I'm trying to think here, you sex addicted perverts!"

"Don't care." Angel of Death Peyton chirped in a sing song voice. She grinned as she focused her attention back on the task at hand. "Wow. Hard already?"

"You know you make me hotter faster than anything else." He replied, stroking her breast.

"Peyton, seriously. If you can't pick something soon, I'm going to have to pick for you." Lucas tensely exclaimed, his face filled with disgust at the borderline pornographic scene happening way too close to him.

She could barely hear him over the chorus of 'ewewewewewewew' occurring in her mind. Dear God, how could anyone be expected to think straight under these conditions?

Her brain frantically tried to make up its mind- she refused to sit here as they had outright sex. If this was what the afterlife consisted of, she really did have to save Lucas from such a horrific fate.

"God, I hate my life. And I'm not even fucking alive." Lucas muttered under his breath. It was now Angel of Death Peyton's turn to be teased and she was letting out a steady string of 'oh, yesss' and 'just fuck me, pleeease'.

It really was unfortunate that you couldn't kill someone that was already dead, because Peyton would have sincerely loved choking the life out of Lucas's stupid alterego. Motherfucking pig.

Sigh. Such was life. Now if only she could pick a scenario, already…


End file.
